Literally.

Remember when you used to be funny? Yeah, me neither.

I don't ALWAYS eat houseplants... But WHEN I DO, it's poisonous mistletoe on Christmas Eve and I make the whole family race me in a panic to the emergency veterinary clinic and spend Christmas there. You're welcome.

sea otter impreshun... ...pretty gud ackshully

Yeah, I didn't know I could knit, either.